FY2026 · PRIVATE EDITION
THE CHAOS COMMITTEE
Annual Report Prepared for internal circulation only.
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Letter from the CEO
A year of aggressive expansion
Fiscal year 2026 represented another period of aggressive expansion, questionable capital allocation, and continued operational challenges related to punctuality.
Year at a glance
The operating dashboard
8,442 Group chat messages · 108 Plans made · 44 Plans completed · 40.7% Execution rate · 23 MIN Average arrival delay · 4 Trips completed
People operations
Member performance reviews
Sarah — Chief Reliability Officer — Exceeds Expectations Jake — Chief Bad Influence Officer — High volatility expected Lauren — Director of Vibes — Consistently over-delivers Emily — VP, Strategic Cancellation — Selective attendance Alex — Head of Logistics — Frequently optimistic Chris — Chief Financial Liability — Requires monitoring
Executive leadership
The organizational chart
Chief Executive Instigator: Jake Chief Gossip Officer: Lauren VP of Questionable Decisions: Chris Director of Saying ‘I’m On My Way’: Emily Head of Crisis Management: Sarah
Company awards
Recognition, formally recorded
Most Valuable Player — Sarah Highest Entertainment Value — Lauren Most Likely to Suggest ‘One More’ — Jake Best Supporting Character — Alex Biggest Financial Risk — Chris
Capital allocation
Expenses remained spirited
Dining 48% · Travel 24% · Drinks 18% · Things Nobody Needed 10% Management acknowledges continued concerns surrounding discretionary brunch spending.
Risk factors
Material threats to operations
CRITICAL — ‘We should get one more drink’ SEVERE — Someone texting their ex HIGH — Group vacations MODERATE — Bottomless brunch
Quote of the year
A guiding principle
“I didn’t say I was coming. I said I was emotionally available to coming.” — Emily, in a statement that clarified nothing
Year in review
Notable corporate events
February — The ski trip, where two people packed responsibly. May — Record brunch expenditures. July — Four birthdays and one lost jacket. September — A vacation successfully completed despite the itinerary.
FY2027 guidance
Management guidance
Management expects continued volatility in dating markets, elevated travel expenditures, and moderate improvements in punctuality.